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Hacienda restaurants has apologized and plans to pull down billboards like this in South Bend, Ind., after complaints about the tie-in to the Jonestown cult deaths. Mike Hartman, South Bend Tribune.Planet Earth — Humanity’s Sense of Humor, which originated in primeval times, passed away in South Bend, Indiana, when a restaurant was forced to take down funny billboards which promoted itself as follows: “We’re like a cult, with better Kool-Aid” (cached). This was apparently an unacceptable reference to the Jim Jones cult and attendant “Jonestown Massacre” in which hundreds of people, including a US Congressman, lost their lives.

It is unknown where Sense of Humor was born. It spent its youth traveling widely, but without notice, until it was first studied by the ancient Greek philosopher Aristotle. Afterward, Humor enjoyed a celebrated career around the world, bringing joy to literally-uncountable numbers of people in equally-countless venues around the globe, through all of subsequent history. But Sense of Humor had endured criticism during the last few years over being too harsh, insensitive, and irreverent, and this sent it into a melancholy tailspin from which it never recovered.

Sense of Humor leaves behind a sour and intolerant populace, incapable of finding enjoyment in anything, and unwilling to let anyone else find enjoyment, either. Humor’s spouse, Mirth and Merriment, suffers from the same lethargy which afflicted Sense of Humor, and is currently on life support. The Comedy family is not expected to survive the year.

Calling hours will not be held, since gathering to remember Humor fondly may bring forth too many funny memories, which will soon be outlawed, and no memorial service is planned, since no one apparently is going to mourn Humor’s passing.

Update: Additional nails were hammered into the coffin of the barely-cold Sense of Humor, when comedian Gilbert Gottfried was fired by insurance company Aflac from his job as the voice of the company’s duck mascot (cached). Gottfried’s offense was to have sent out a few jokes via Twitter, based on the recent Japanese earthquake.

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Things are getting weirder at Kieffe & Sons, the car dealership I blogged about earlier. They had issued an apology, but apparently it wasn’t a sincere one — they’ve since retracted it.

So, their apology, at the time they issued it, was actually a lie, since they are not now and never were truly sorry for anything they said. Hmm. Makes you wonder how such apparently-devout Christians could dare to lie, in defense of their faith?

As it turns out, lying is scriptural! This may come as a shock to those who have read passages such as Exodus 20:16 (the commandment forbidding false testimony against others), 1 Timothy 1:10 (which counts liars as among of a number of sorts of people who are “contrary to sound teaching”) and Revelation 21:8 (which condemns liars, along with others, to “the lake of fire” at the end of time), all of which appear to condemn lying. That is contradicted by other scripture, however, such as passages in which it is stated that God himself has caused deception (e.g. 1 Kings 22:23, 2 Chronicles 18:22, and 2 Thessalonians 2:11-12).

So if it’s good enough for God, then lying (as in, issuing an apology which was not the least bit genuine) must be good enough for Kieffe & Sons, eh?

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This one is pretty good. I almost can’t believe it. In fact, I suspect this may well be a hoax; but just for fun, and in case it’s not, here goes: There’s a Ford dealership in southern California which is telling non-Christians to “shut up”:

Kieffe and Sons, a California Ford dealership, decided for some reason to launch a radio ad attacking non-Christians and people who believe that prayer shouldn’t be in public schools. … The ad reads:

Did you know that there are people in this country who want prayer out of schools, “Under God” out of the Pledge, and “In God We Trust” to be taken off our money?

But did you know that 86% of Americans say they believe in God? Now, since we all know that 86 out of every 100 of us are Christians who believe in God, we at Kieffe & Sons Ford wonder why we don’t just tell the other 14% to sit down and shut up. I guess maybe I just offended 14% of the people who are listening to this message. Well, if that is the case, then I say that’s tough, this is America folks, it’s called free speech. And none of us at Kieffe & Sons Ford are afraid to speak up. Kieffe & Sons Ford on Sierra Highway in Mojave and Rosamond: if we don’t see you today, by the grace of God, we’ll be here tomorrow.

Obviously these folk have already decided not to listen to any contrary points, so in response, I will exercise my “free speech” rights and say:

OK, Kieffe & Sons, if you’re not afraid, then I dare you to “shut me up.” Go ahead. Shut down my blog. Come to my house and force me to “shut up.” If you have no fear, then you have absolutely no reason not to do so. Come on. Find me and beat me into believing in your God. Until then, I will remain a committed agnostic, and there is not one damned thing you or your primitive Semitic tribal war-totem – turned – martyred flower-child wannabe can do to stop me.

There, you see? I can respond to a childish rant with just as much immaturity as any fundamentalist. (You did know, of course, that that’s exactly what fundamentalism — in any form, in any religion or ideology — really is … mere immaturity? Didn’t you? Well, in case you didn’t, now you do!)

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