Posts Tagged “Christianity”

The End is Not NearI’ve already blogged a couple of times about Christian crank David Meade, who claims a “Biblical prophecy” (bolstered by numerology, pseudoastronomy, solar eclipses, the Egyptian pyramids, Bible codes, and conspiratorialism) predicts “the End of the World” will start this coming Saturday, September 23, 2017. Initially these stories were found only in Rupert Murdoch’s outlets, but many others have picked up this story. Some relay it as breathlessly as Murdoch’s papers, channels, and sites, but others treat it more dismissively (recognizing it as the bullshit it is).

One outlet that dismisses it is Christianity Today, which protested this kind of crap (Archive.Is cached article):

Again, we must deal with fake news. I’ve written on this numerous times before here and here and, undoubtedly, this won’t be the last time.

In this case, it’s making Christians look silly.

Again.

But there it is on the front page of Fox News, “Christian doomsdayers claim world will end next week.”

It’s under the heading “Science.” When you click on it, the article headline proclaims, “Biblical prophecy claims the world will end on Sept. 23, Christian numerologists claim.”

Note, first of all, that CT‘s chief objection to this “Biblical prophecy” is not that it’s all bullshit, predicated on distortions and lies. Oh no. Their initial objection is “it’s making Christians look silly.” Well, duh. Of course it is! It’s making Christians look silly, because this sort of bullshit is entirely consistent with Christianity’s long history of trotting out “prophecies” which are dire scenarios of death and destruction. Arguably, Christianity itself was clearly inspired by 1st century CE apocalyptic Judaism … so the propounding of apocalyptic doom is entirely within its wheelhouse! If Christians don’t want to look silly, they need to alter their religion so it doesn’t lead to this kind of doomsaying, and they need to shut down — and shut up — anyone in their religion who does so.

Yeah I know, good luck with that. Clearly Christians have no desire to do this … hence, if those crankish doomsayers make them look bad, they have no one to blame but themselves for allowing those doomsayers to run amok for the last two millennia.

But on top of that “boo hoo hoo, this crank makes us look bad” whine, CT goes on to explain:

No, the world won’t end on September 23rd and, Fox News, believe it or not, there is no such thing as a ‘Christian numerologist.’

Note the claim at the end of this sentence: “There is no such thing as a ‘Christian numerologist.’” That, unfortunately for CT, is simply not true. There absolutely are “Christian numerologists” because numerology is embedded within the religion.

Consider the significance of certain numbers, in Christian scripture: The numbers 3, 7, and 12 (for example) figure in repeatedly. Adam and Eve had 3 sons, and so did Noah; Jesus was accompanied by 3 apostles in the Transfiguration; Peter denied him 3 times; Jesus was dead 3 days; the world was created in 7 days; the book of Revelation begins with 7 letters to 7 churches of Asia; later in it, there are 7 seals and 7 trumpets; Jacob/Israel had 12 sons who founded 12 tribes; Jesus had 12 apostles; 144,000 (or 12×12) “sons of Israel” appear in Revelation; and on and on it goes. Numbers clearly matter in the Bible. They have metaphorical and metaphysical meaning, on many levels. This inevitably leads to numerological analysis.

What’s more, there’s actually explicit numerology in scripture. Specifically, it’s found in Revelation:

Here is wisdom. Let him who has understanding calculate the number of the beast, for the number is that of a man; and his number is six hundred and sixty-six. (Revelation 13:18)

But some early manuscripts say “the number of the Beast” is 616, not 666 (fortunately, some modern Bible translations indicate this). This is hard to make sense of, if one assumes (as many Christians do) that Revelation’s Beast is some future person; but if one is looking for historical figures whom the author of Revelation knew about (it was probably composed in the 90s CE), there’s one obvious candidate that could explain this coincidence. That infamous person’s name, in Greek, when transliterated into Hebrew and rendered using Hebrew gematria, is 666, but his Latin name (also transliterated into Hebrew) becomes 616. That infamous person is none other than the Roman emperor Nero. Nero was said to have persecuted Christians (both Christian and non-Christian authors report it). He is also said to have martyred the apostle Peter. He was, to put it briefly, a common bogeyman among Christians (not wholly unreasonably, it seems). So it makes sense for him to have inspired the figure of “the Beast.”

At any rate, to say there’s no such thing as a Christian numerologist is to assert there was no special use of numbers within Christian tradition, and especially in the Bible — which on its face is foolish. All by itself, “the number of the Beast” is numerology. Period.

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'NASA warns disaster is near as Nibiru heads for Earth' / satire site News4KTLA, via SnopesI just blogged about Christian “prophet” David Meade, who claims “the End of the World” was predicted to happen — by the Bible, the Egyptian pyramids, and a wicked conspiracy, woven together with numerology and assorted screwy pseudoastronomical notions — just under a week from now (on September 23, 2017, to be exact).

Since posting that, I’ve seen stories trumpeting Meade’s asinine and laughable “discovery” that add an additional point to his insane scenario; namely, that he’s supposedly seen actual photos of this “Planet X” (aka Nibiru). The (UK) Sunday Express, for example, reports on this amazing claim (Archive.Is cached article):

Christian conspiracy theorist David Meade, who claims the alleged giant planet Nibiru – which is officially unknown to astronomical science – will pass the Earth causing a global apocalypse in October, says he has been shown secret footage which proves it exists.

Speaking on Late Night in the Midlands, a US conspiracy theory radio show, Mr Meade said: “The sightings are increasing in my opinion.”

He claimed he had spoken to a professor of astronomy in Paris based at a large observatory, who told him Nibiru was real.…

“I’ve seen it and he told me the name of the observatory he has seen it at, and he said he had a secret film of it, which he later sent me.

“He had taken it with his phone and it is an actual photo of the system, he got out of the observatory at a very high level, and he has shared it with me since.

“I have not shared it with the public, but I have seen it.”

He said a fellow conspiracy theorist had also shared a new snap with him.

Mr Meade added: “A colleague of mine recently sent me photo which makes it appear Planet X is currently right over the North Pole.

Meade’s breathless assertion is truly fucking hilarious, and fully in line with how conspiratorialists work. He assures us the photos are “real,” and we can be assured of that, because:

  1. He has seen them (although he won’t release them)
  2. They came from a real, working astronomer (whose name and credentials he won’t disclose)
  3. That astronomer works at a real, working observatory (whose name he likewise won’t disclose)
  4. The existence of these photos was backed up by another conspiratorialist (whom Meade won’t name)

All of this is a steaming load, heaved right out the back of the barn. I will say this outright: Meade is lying. He hasn’t seen the photos he said he saw, and they don’t exist. He made it all up in a desperate effort to bolster his fucking ridiculous scenario and sell more books before his “Biblical prophecy” proves false, this coming Saturday.

I’ll conclude this post by repeating what I’ve said for many years now: “Biblical prophecy” is bullshit. Fraudulent. Lies. All of it, all the time, everywhere, every time, without exception. There is, simply put, no such thing as a valid “Biblical prophecy.” It. Does. Not. Exist. Period.

Photo credit: Satire site News4KTLA, via Snopes.

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Sumerian seal / via Doug's DarkworldIf you pay any attention to Rupert Murdoch-owned media outlets, then by now you’ve come across a report or two about how the world is going to end this September 23. Perhaps the most alarming and expansive of those reports comes from the (UK) Sun, but similar stories are on most of Murdoch’s sites (Archive.Is cached article):

DOOMSDAY could be sooner than you think if you are to believe conspiracy theorists claiming a planet will collide with Earth on September 23, 2017.

Bible passages apparently supporting a centuries’ old prediction of the end of the world have intrigued many around the world – but what’s it all about?

A Christian numerologist claims a verse in the Bible proves that the world will end on September 23.

In Luke’s passage 21: 25 to 26, there is a quote which apparently matches the date of the Great American Solar Eclipse, when Hurricane Harvey hit and when Texas was flooded.

September 23 was pinpointed using codes from the Bible and also a “date marker” shown by the pyramids of Giza in Egypt.

This alarming report goes on … and on and on and on … from there. This is just idiotic, maddening bullshit.

Christian “prophet” David Meade’s scenario checks off all the requisite points of pseudoastronomy, pseuodohistory, and “End Times” caterwauling. It has Bible verses, Nibiru aka Planet X, numerology, solar eclipses, the Egyptian pyramids, and Bible codes, among many other features. It’s as though Meade used the shotgun approach, trying to weave every crackpot feature he could think of, into his “prophecy.”

But none of that matters, because as I said, it’s all bullshit. First, there is no Nibiru or Planet X. It was cooked up by the late crackpot pseudohistorian Zechariah Sitchin, of The Twelfth Planet fame. Sitchin’s scenario is a brazen lie.

Second, numerology is bullshit, plain and simple. There’s nothing behind it — period. Nor is there any veracity in any “Bible codes.”

Third, there’s nothing magical or supernatural about the Egyptian pyramids. And yes, in fact we do know how the pyramids were built … and humans did it, not gods or extraterrestrials. There’s also nothing magical or supernatural about eclipses. We know how they happen … and again, neither gods nor aliens have anything to do with them.

But lastly, what really makes this “Bible prophecy” bullshit, is that it’s “Bible prophecy”! As I covered in my static page on the subject, all Biblical prophecies are rotten, stinking lies. Every last one of them: All the time, every time, by definition and with no exceptions.

Sure, believers can produce all kinds of scriptural passages that they say predict the future. Most of these are interpretations, usually extracted via convoluted analysis, and employing lots of cherry-picking. The real problem with it all, as I explain, is that the Bible simply can’t be used this way. As it turns out, it contains at least one specific, explicit prediction of the future, which absolutely failed to come true, and is recorded in all three synoptic gospels (emphasis mine):

“Truly I say to you, there are some of those who are standing here who will not taste death until they see the Son of Man coming in His kingdom.” (Mt 16:28)

And Jesus was saying to them, “Truly I say to you, there are some of those who are standing here who will not taste death until they see the kingdom of God after it has come with power.” (Mk 9:1)

“But I say to you truthfully, there are some of those standing here who will not taste death until they see the kingdom of God.” (Lk 9:27)

Almost two millennia have passed since Jesus supposedly said that, and all those people to whom he said it have been dead almost as long; yet “the kingdom of God” has not come (“with power” or without). Jesus’ prediction literally cannot ever possibly come true.

If an explicit prediction — which doesn’t require any analysis or interpretation — has failed so obviously, then how can the rest of the Bible be viewed as a credible source of “prophecy”?It just doesn’t work. Period. End of discussion.

Note: This the first of two posts about this “prophecy.” The crank who cooked it up is still desperately trying to sell his book before it’s proven false by his “prophecy’s” impending failure. So if you want more laughs, read on!

Photo credit: Doug’s Darkworld.

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WTC smoking on 9-11I’ve blogged a few times already about Alabama’s Judge Roy Moore, who’s famous for having been thrown off that state’s Supreme Court twice for judicial misconduct, as a result of his dour and angry Christofascism.

Never one to be ashamed of anything he says he does in the name of his Jesus, Moore is running for US Senate this year. So far, he’s doing very well — which shouldn’t be surprising, Alabamans sure love their Christofascists.

During a speech in a church (where else?) earlier this year, as CNN reports, Moore engaged in some disaster theology (Archive.Is cached article):

Alabama Senate candidate Roy Moore suggested earlier this year that the September 11, 2001, terrorist attacks might have happened because the US had distanced itself from God.

Moore, a hardline conservative running against fellow Republican and incumbent Sen. Luther Strange in a runoff primary race, made the comments in February during a speech at the Open Door Baptist Church, a video reviewed by CNN’s KFile shows.…

“Because you have despised His word and trust in perverseness and oppression, and say thereon … therefore this iniquity will be to you as a breach ready to fall, swell out in a high wall, whose breaking cometh suddenly at an instance,'” Moore said, quoting Isaiah 30:12-13. Then he added: “Sounds a little bit like the Pentagon, whose breaking came suddenly at an instance, doesn’t it?”

Moore, continued, “If you think that’s coincidence, if you go to verse 25, ‘there should be up on every high mountain and upon every hill rivers and streams of water in the day of the great slaughter when the towers will fall.’ You know, we’ve suffered a lot in this country, maybe, just maybe, because we’ve distanced ourselves from the one that has it within his hands to heal this land.”

Later in the same speech, Moore suggested God was upset at the United States because “we legitimize sodomy” and “legitimize abortion.”

CNN goes on to explain that Moore is hardly the first militant Christianist to play this particular game. Rather famously, the late Jerry Falwell and Marion “Pat” Robertson did so, just a couple days after the attacks (cached). And Moore himself had previously said the same thing.

The tendency of sanctimonious religionists to use catastrophes in this way, claiming they’re God’s way of getting people to do what they (the religionist, that is) wants, is truly hideous. Essentially they’re admitting their deity is nothing more than a cosmic terrorist — no different, really, than the terrorist who struck London earlier today (cached). I’m not sure why people actually want to worship a cosmic terrorist, and not only give in to his/her/its demands themselves, but force the rest of humanity to do so as well — but clearly they do.

And that, I’m afraid, is the problem here. This kind of talk is only going to help Moore’s campaign for Senate. There are a ton of people in Alabama, as well as the rest of the country, who love hearing that their deity is an almighty cosmic terrorist, and who will conclude that Moore is a righteous and holy man for having said so. We live in a dangerous country, folks. Very dangerous!

Photo credit: Wikimedia Commons.

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Hurricane Irma satellite photo / United States Navy / Navy Live / Tag archives: Hurricane IrmaI call it “disaster theology.” That’s when some sanctimoniously-enraged militant religionist declares his/her deity either caused something big and terrible to happen — or more passively, merely sat back and allowed it to happen — because said deity is just as furious about something as the religionist him/herself. (Religionists and their deities, you see, always seem to think in lockstep. Convenient, huh?)

It’s something one sees pretty much every time there’s a disaster of some kind. That disaster can be natural, like an earthquake, or man-made, like a massacre. It pretty much doesn’t matter what it is … religionists will always latch onto any kind of widely-reported awful news and use it as “evidence” that their deity is upset, and won’t tolerate any more of humanity’s insolent shit.

Or something like that.

It was inevitable, then, that the second of two back-to-back hurricanes to hit the US triggered just such an outburst. Right Wing Watch reports that a pair of Christianist twins, David & Jason Benham, declared the arrival of Irma to have been due to the expansion of gay rights (Archive.Is cached article):

Religious Right culture warriors David and Jason Benham published a video Monday in which they claimed “God is speaking” through hurricanes to send a message that America should repent for “breaching the boundaries of God” in regard to gender identity, gay marriage and homosexuality in general.…

The twins’ tie-in to the 9/11 terror attacks appears to mirror the playbook of their father, Flip Benham, the former head of the anti-abortion, anti-gay protest group Operation Save America, who has claimed he warned America that legal abortion would result in the 9/11 attacks and continues to use 9/11 as a warning that legal abortion will result in the further wrath of God.

The Benhams must be using a broken calendar, because it didn’t hit the US on the anniversary of the 9/11 attacks; it made landfall early in the morning of the 10th of September, one day prior. Or, maybe September 11th on our calendar is September 10th on the Almighty’s — because, after all, we know his/her/its sense of time runs different than our own. Or something. I mean, who the fuck knows?

By the way, if you don’t know who the Benham twins are, they’re the pair who’d been slated to host a show on HGTV called Flip It Forward (that can’t have anything to do with their father’s name, could it?) … but it was canceled before it aired, due to their hateful, militant Christianist spew (cached). (I approve of that, not because they’re vile religiofsacist pricks, but because “‘reality’ shows” are as fake as hell and suck in the worst way (cached).

At any rate, it seems odd to me that, if the Almighty is upset about something his creations are doing, s/he/it seems powerless to just fucking say it to our faces and in words that make his/her/its wishes clear. As a supposedly omnipotent creator-deity, s/he/it certainly would be capable of doing so … but if the Benhams, and an enormous number of other sanctimonious wingnuts, are to be believed, that’s somehow beyond his/her/its power.

Or something.

I dunno, maybe this is yet another of those things that cold-hearted, cynical, godless agnostic heathens like myself aren’t allowed to understand. Right?

Photo credit: United States Navy / Navy Live blog.

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Auguste Rodin-The Hand of God-Metropolitan Museum of ArtI still haven’t been able to figure why a man who’s been married three times, was a well-known womanizer, and who happily bragged about habitually sexually assaulting women (cached), managed to become the champion of America’s Religious Right … you know, the exact same crowd who tried to run Bill Clinton out of office because he’d had an affair. I mean, assuming they’re sincere about their love for “family values,” one would think they ought to have condemned the Groper-in-Chief instead of electing him.

But I guess it’s too much to ask that they be consistent with their dour moralizing. Maybe their reverence for the Apricot Wonder is another of those things this cold-hearted, cynical, godless agnostic heathen isn’t permitted to understand.

Even so, “reverence” is a good word to describe their feelings for the GiC. Case in point: As AOL News reports, his spiritual adviser, evangelical preacher Paula White, propounded his sanctity (cached):

Paula White, a televangelist and spiritual adviser to Donald Trump, appeared on television Tuesday to defend the president amid recent controversy using an unlikely Biblical comparison.

While speaking on a panel on “The Jim Bakker Show,” White said that Trump’s presidential victory was similar to a story from the Hebrew Bible where a woman named Esther was chosen to be queen, since both parties were unlikely to be selected for their roles.…

On Tuesday, White compared Trump to Queen Esther, saying that he, too, was selected by God to carry out a divine plan.

“They say about our president, ‘Well, he is not presidential.’ Thank goodness. Thank goodness. Thank goodness,” White said. “And I mean that with all due respect. Because, in other words, he is not a polished politician. In other words, he is authentically, whether people like it or not, has been raised up by God.”

So according to White, the Groper-in-Chief is, by definition, “presidential” specifically because he’s not “presidential” at all, and an example of a good Christian specifically because he’s a lousy example of a good Christian.

Or something like that. I think. I mean, that must be another of those impenetrable notions that this cold-hearted, cynical, godless agnostic heathen can never figure out.

Even more than this ridiculous crap, however, White went so far as to equate the Groper with the Almighty himself:

“God says that he raises up and places all people in places of authority,” she continued. “It is God who raises up a king. It is God that sets one down. When you fight against the plan of God, you are fighting against the hand of God.”

She’s saying anyone who opposes the GiC, by definition opposes her deity.

Wow. I mean, just “wow.”

I recall just a few years ago the Religious Right had a very different attitude toward the previous president. Rather than viewing him as an appointed agent of their God, many of them went so far as to pray for their deity to kill him, citing Psalm 109:8. As I said before, consistency isn’t their strongest suit.

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Harvey Geostationary VIS-IR 2017You’ve got to hand it to Christianists. They sure as hell are consistent. They can always be counted on to use natural disasters to propound their dour metaphysics and bludgeon everyone else with them. Once Hurricane Harvey hit the Texas coast, you just knew they’d declare that Harvey was God’s retribution for some outrage. Right Wing Watch reports on three such incidents so far.

The first militant Christianist on this list, is activist “Coach” Dave Daubenmire (Archive.Is cached article):

While Religious Right leaders have been oddly reticent about declaring that Hurricane Harvey is God’s judgment for America’s sin, far-right activist Dave Daubenmire is not shy about proclaiming just that, asserting on his “Pass The Salt Live” webcast yesterday that the storm is divine punishment on Houston for abortion and for recently having a lesbian mayor.

“Houston, we got a problem here,” Daubenmire said. “Could some of the problems be the result of the judgment of God coming your way because of the slaughter of unborn children? You had a lesbian mayor who wanted to look at the prayers of pastors in their churches. It’s debaucherous.”

Militant Christianist broadcaster Rick Wiles soon concurred with “the Coach” (cached):

End Times radio host Rick Wiles used his “TruNews” broadcast yesterday to declare that the damage caused by Hurricane Harvey is God’s punishment for Houston’s “affinity for the sexual perversion movement.”

“This is a proud city that, in recent years, has boasted of its allegiance, its dedication, its devotion to the homosexual/lesbian agenda,” he said.

Wiles asserted that Houston is under God’s judgment because it formerly had a mayor who is a lesbian, currently has “a pro-homosexual mayor,” has persecuted Christian pastors in the city and is among “the top-tier, most gay-friendly cities in America.”

And they were followed by yet another Christianist pastor (cached):

Extremist anti-LGBTQ pastor Kevin Swanson is joining other radical Religious Right activists in declaring that Hurricane Harvey is God’s judgment on Houston and other cities that refuse to repent for their embrace of “sexual perversion.”

“Jesus sends the message home, unless Americans repent, unless Houston repents, unless New Orleans repents, they will all likewise perish,” Swanson said on his radio program today. “That is the message that the Lord Jesus Christ is sending home right now to America.”

Yes, these three are true spokesmen for “the Religion of Love,” are they not? I can’t think of more stellar examples of what Christianism stands for. Can you?

Photo credit: Wikimedia Commons.

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