Posts Tagged “bible interpretation”

TBIT, via PixabayI’ve blogged a few times about “Biblical prophet” David Meade, who wrote a book and made the rounds touting September 23, 2017 as the start of “the End of the World.” Well, obviously, 9/23/2017 came and went, yet no such thing happened. As I expected, though — and as past failed “prophets” usually did — Meade refused to admit he’d been wrong. Oh no! As Newsweek reports, he just moved the goalposts (Archive.Is cached article):

The conspiracy theorist who supposedly predicted the world would end on September 23 has clarified his doomsday prophecy, saying the rapture is, in fact, coming in October.

David Meade, a self-proclaimed “researcher” and Catholic who hit global headlines last week, believes the end of the world as we know it, as foretold in the biblical Book of Revelation, will take place next month and the 23rd was simply a sign of the oncoming of the oncoming disaster.

Writing on his website, Meade clarified his belief that the 23rd is the date of a “historical event” in the skies that would signal the oncoming rapture. Doomsday itself, he says, will begin on October 15.

Frequent use of the word “clarify” here makes it seem Meade somehow hadn’t been clear enough about what he’d predicted. But that’s just not the case. His predicted scenario was pretty clear, and 9/23/2017 was to be an eventful day leading up to an Armageddon. “Clarification” is not needed. He was, very simply, wrong.

I love how these people just can’t — and won’t — admit failure. It’s as though they live in their own little worlds, detached from reality, and can just say whatever they want when their “predictions” turn out not to come true. It’s pathetic, really.

The real problem here is that too many other Christians fall for this shit, creating a market for books like the one Meade self-published. They like hearing that “the End” will come soon. They like believing their Jesus will come back for them — as though there can be any viable reason why a supposedly-omnipotent deity had do to return because s/he/it somehow couldn’t manage to do everything s/he/it had planned to do, the first time s/he/it was on Earth.

This happens because those Christians don’t understand that all Biblical prophecy is bullshit. Pure, unadulterated, unfiltered, grade-A bovine manure heaved right out the back of the barn. All “Biblical prophets” are liars because the premise on which they operate … i.e. that the Bible makes reliable predictions about the future … is false and unsupportable. As I’ve noted a few times already — and will repeat here, for your edification — Christians’ Bible contains at least one specific, explicit prediction of the future, which absolutely failed to come true. It’s found in all three synoptic gospels (emphasis mine):

“Truly I say to you, there are some of those who are standing here who will not taste death until they see the Son of Man coming in His kingdom.” (Mt 16:28)

And Jesus was saying to them, “Truly I say to you, there are some of those who are standing here who will not taste death until they see the kingdom of God after it has come with power.” (Mk 9:1)

“But I say to you truthfully, there are some of those standing here who will not taste death until they see the kingdom of God.” (Lk 9:27)

Almost two millennia have passed since Jesus supposedly said that, and all those people to whom he said it have been dead almost as long; yet “the kingdom of God” has not come (“with power” or without). The door on any chance of this prediction ever coming true was closed long ago.

It’s time for Christians who know better — such as those who tried to evade Meade’s “prophecy” last week, acting as though it had no connection with their religion — to do something about their religion’s apocalypticism and their co-religionists who love it. Don’t just sit back, let the “Biblical prophets” propound their dooms, then say, “That’s crazy and it’s not Christianity” and walk away. That simply is not good enough any longer. Christians who know better have to get up off their lazy asses, stop the “prophets,” correct and/or discipline them, and explain to the “prophets'” followers that the Bible contains no “prophecy.” Curiously, though, the religion has been around for some 2 millennia, with “prophets” like that popping up all through that time — yet it’s rare in the extreme for them to be confronted or their followers to be corrected. (It pretty much never happens.)

Photo credit: TBIT, via Pixabay.

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Blender Cycles - ArmageddonMost people my age recall televised tests of what used to be called the Emergency Broadcast System. We all heard, “If this had been an actual emergency, the Attention Signal you just heard would have been followed by official information, news, or instructions” more times than any of us wanted to. These days, this program is a little less intrusive, and is called the Emergency Alert System (the need for a name change isn’t quite clear, but hey, this is government in action). But those tests do still go out. Just this past Thursday, September 21, people in Orange county, CA got a test warning with an unusual twist. As the Orange County Register explains, they were warning about the Armageddon that had been predicted for today, Saturday, September 23 (Archive.Is cached article):

Some Orange County residents were stunned Thursday, Sept. 21, when television programming was suddenly interrupted for about a minute with an ominous message predicting the end of the world.

Stacy Laflamme of Lake Forest said she was watching the HGTV channel via Cox Communications about 11:05 a.m. when suddenly an emergency alert flashed across her screen followed by a voice.

“Realize this, extremely violent times will come,” a man’s voice boomed, according to a video of the alert.

This “warning” was about a “Biblical prophecy” I’ve already blogged about a few times, by a crank named David Meade, which definitely will not come true.OCR offers video of what they saw:

This was strange, but what might arguably be stranger, is the explanation that was offered for it (cached):

The end-of-the-world message heard on some Orange County channels during an Emergency Alert System test on Thursday was a technical glitch prompted by a local radio station, broadcasting officials said on Friday.

KWVE-FM, a Santa Ana station that broadcasts Christian programs, was conducting the test for the region that did not properly kick off – prompting a pastor’s comments meant only for that station to be heard over TV and probably radio channels in the county and beyond.

“During a regularly scheduled test of the Emergency Alert System for Orange County, KWVE-FM experienced an equipment failure that resulted in KWVE-FM not sending the end-of-message tones that would disconnect those media entities participating in the Emergency Alert System test,” a statement from the station says.

“When KWVE-FM resumed its regular programming, approximately 90 seconds of that audio was sent to the rest of the participants of the Emergency Alert System test.”

KWVE-FM has volunteered to be the primary Emergency Alert System station for the area since the inception of the alerts in 1996 and has never experienced a similar equipment failure, the statement says.

That this supposedly-prophetic warning would go out this way, is an awfully specific “failure.” I’m not sure I buy this explanation. It seems too convenient. Besides, the station itself never ought to have issued this apocalypse warning to its own listeners in the first place, let alone everyone in Orange county via the EAS — because it’s not going to come true. Period. End of discussion.

Photo credit: NGCHunter2, via Flickr.

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The End is Not NearI’ve already blogged a couple of times about Christian crank David Meade, who claims a “Biblical prophecy” (bolstered by numerology, pseudoastronomy, solar eclipses, the Egyptian pyramids, Bible codes, and conspiratorialism) predicts “the End of the World” will start this coming Saturday, September 23, 2017. Initially these stories were found only in Rupert Murdoch’s outlets, but many others have picked up this story. Some relay it as breathlessly as Murdoch’s papers, channels, and sites, but others treat it more dismissively (recognizing it as the bullshit it is).

One outlet that dismisses it is Christianity Today, which protested this kind of crap (Archive.Is cached article):

Again, we must deal with fake news. I’ve written on this numerous times before here and here and, undoubtedly, this won’t be the last time.

In this case, it’s making Christians look silly.

Again.

But there it is on the front page of Fox News, “Christian doomsdayers claim world will end next week.”

It’s under the heading “Science.” When you click on it, the article headline proclaims, “Biblical prophecy claims the world will end on Sept. 23, Christian numerologists claim.”

Note, first of all, that CT‘s chief objection to this “Biblical prophecy” is not that it’s all bullshit, predicated on distortions and lies. Oh no. Their initial objection is “it’s making Christians look silly.” Well, duh. Of course it is! It’s making Christians look silly, because this sort of bullshit is entirely consistent with Christianity’s long history of trotting out “prophecies” which are dire scenarios of death and destruction. Arguably, Christianity itself was clearly inspired by 1st century CE apocalyptic Judaism … so the propounding of apocalyptic doom is entirely within its wheelhouse! If Christians don’t want to look silly, they need to alter their religion so it doesn’t lead to this kind of doomsaying, and they need to shut down — and shut up — anyone in their religion who does so.

Yeah I know, good luck with that. Clearly Christians have no desire to do this … hence, if those crankish doomsayers make them look bad, they have no one to blame but themselves for allowing those doomsayers to run amok for the last two millennia.

But on top of that “boo hoo hoo, this crank makes us look bad” whine, CT goes on to explain:

No, the world won’t end on September 23rd and, Fox News, believe it or not, there is no such thing as a ‘Christian numerologist.’

Note the claim at the end of this sentence: “There is no such thing as a ‘Christian numerologist.’” That, unfortunately for CT, is simply not true. There absolutely are “Christian numerologists” because numerology is embedded within the religion.

Consider the significance of certain numbers, in Christian scripture: The numbers 3, 7, and 12 (for example) figure in repeatedly. Adam and Eve had 3 sons, and so did Noah; Jesus was accompanied by 3 apostles in the Transfiguration; Peter denied him 3 times; Jesus was dead 3 days; the world was created in 7 days; the book of Revelation begins with 7 letters to 7 churches of Asia; later in it, there are 7 seals and 7 trumpets; Jacob/Israel had 12 sons who founded 12 tribes; Jesus had 12 apostles; 144,000 (or 12×12) “sons of Israel” appear in Revelation; and on and on it goes. Numbers clearly matter in the Bible. They have metaphorical and metaphysical meaning, on many levels. This inevitably leads to numerological analysis.

What’s more, there’s actually explicit numerology in scripture. Specifically, it’s found in Revelation:

Here is wisdom. Let him who has understanding calculate the number of the beast, for the number is that of a man; and his number is six hundred and sixty-six. (Revelation 13:18)

But some early manuscripts say “the number of the Beast” is 616, not 666 (fortunately, some modern Bible translations indicate this). This is hard to make sense of, if one assumes (as many Christians do) that Revelation’s Beast is some future person; but if one is looking for historical figures whom the author of Revelation knew about (it was probably composed in the 90s CE), there’s one obvious candidate that could explain this coincidence. That infamous person’s name, in Greek, when transliterated into Hebrew and rendered using Hebrew gematria, is 666, but his Latin name (also transliterated into Hebrew) becomes 616. That infamous person is none other than the Roman emperor Nero. Nero was said to have persecuted Christians (both Christian and non-Christian authors report it). He is also said to have martyred the apostle Peter. He was, to put it briefly, a common bogeyman among Christians (not wholly unreasonably, it seems). So it makes sense for him to have inspired the figure of “the Beast.”

At any rate, to say there’s no such thing as a Christian numerologist is to assert there was no special use of numbers within Christian tradition, and especially in the Bible — which on its face is foolish. All by itself, “the number of the Beast” is numerology. Period.

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'NASA warns disaster is near as Nibiru heads for Earth' / satire site News4KTLA, via SnopesI just blogged about Christian “prophet” David Meade, who claims “the End of the World” was predicted to happen — by the Bible, the Egyptian pyramids, and a wicked conspiracy, woven together with numerology and assorted screwy pseudoastronomical notions — just under a week from now (on September 23, 2017, to be exact).

Since posting that, I’ve seen stories trumpeting Meade’s asinine and laughable “discovery” that add an additional point to his insane scenario; namely, that he’s supposedly seen actual photos of this “Planet X” (aka Nibiru). The (UK) Sunday Express, for example, reports on this amazing claim (Archive.Is cached article):

Christian conspiracy theorist David Meade, who claims the alleged giant planet Nibiru – which is officially unknown to astronomical science – will pass the Earth causing a global apocalypse in October, says he has been shown secret footage which proves it exists.

Speaking on Late Night in the Midlands, a US conspiracy theory radio show, Mr Meade said: “The sightings are increasing in my opinion.”

He claimed he had spoken to a professor of astronomy in Paris based at a large observatory, who told him Nibiru was real.…

“I’ve seen it and he told me the name of the observatory he has seen it at, and he said he had a secret film of it, which he later sent me.

“He had taken it with his phone and it is an actual photo of the system, he got out of the observatory at a very high level, and he has shared it with me since.

“I have not shared it with the public, but I have seen it.”

He said a fellow conspiracy theorist had also shared a new snap with him.

Mr Meade added: “A colleague of mine recently sent me photo which makes it appear Planet X is currently right over the North Pole.

Meade’s breathless assertion is truly fucking hilarious, and fully in line with how conspiratorialists work. He assures us the photos are “real,” and we can be assured of that, because:

  1. He has seen them (although he won’t release them)
  2. They came from a real, working astronomer (whose name and credentials he won’t disclose)
  3. That astronomer works at a real, working observatory (whose name he likewise won’t disclose)
  4. The existence of these photos was backed up by another conspiratorialist (whom Meade won’t name)

All of this is a steaming load, heaved right out the back of the barn. I will say this outright: Meade is lying. He hasn’t seen the photos he said he saw, and they don’t exist. He made it all up in a desperate effort to bolster his fucking ridiculous scenario and sell more books before his “Biblical prophecy” proves false, this coming Saturday.

I’ll conclude this post by repeating what I’ve said for many years now: “Biblical prophecy” is bullshit. Fraudulent. Lies. All of it, all the time, everywhere, every time, without exception. There is, simply put, no such thing as a valid “Biblical prophecy.” It. Does. Not. Exist. Period.

Photo credit: Satire site News4KTLA, via Snopes.

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Sumerian seal / via Doug's DarkworldIf you pay any attention to Rupert Murdoch-owned media outlets, then by now you’ve come across a report or two about how the world is going to end this September 23. Perhaps the most alarming and expansive of those reports comes from the (UK) Sun, but similar stories are on most of Murdoch’s sites (Archive.Is cached article):

DOOMSDAY could be sooner than you think if you are to believe conspiracy theorists claiming a planet will collide with Earth on September 23, 2017.

Bible passages apparently supporting a centuries’ old prediction of the end of the world have intrigued many around the world – but what’s it all about?

A Christian numerologist claims a verse in the Bible proves that the world will end on September 23.

In Luke’s passage 21: 25 to 26, there is a quote which apparently matches the date of the Great American Solar Eclipse, when Hurricane Harvey hit and when Texas was flooded.

September 23 was pinpointed using codes from the Bible and also a “date marker” shown by the pyramids of Giza in Egypt.

This alarming report goes on … and on and on and on … from there. This is just idiotic, maddening bullshit.

Christian “prophet” David Meade’s scenario checks off all the requisite points of pseudoastronomy, pseuodohistory, and “End Times” caterwauling. It has Bible verses, Nibiru aka Planet X, numerology, solar eclipses, the Egyptian pyramids, and Bible codes, among many other features. It’s as though Meade used the shotgun approach, trying to weave every crackpot feature he could think of, into his “prophecy.”

But none of that matters, because as I said, it’s all bullshit. First, there is no Nibiru or Planet X. It was cooked up by the late crackpot pseudohistorian Zechariah Sitchin, of The Twelfth Planet fame. Sitchin’s scenario is a brazen lie.

Second, numerology is bullshit, plain and simple. There’s nothing behind it — period. Nor is there any veracity in any “Bible codes.”

Third, there’s nothing magical or supernatural about the Egyptian pyramids. And yes, in fact we do know how the pyramids were built … and humans did it, not gods or extraterrestrials. There’s also nothing magical or supernatural about eclipses. We know how they happen … and again, neither gods nor aliens have anything to do with them.

But lastly, what really makes this “Bible prophecy” bullshit, is that it’s “Bible prophecy”! As I covered in my static page on the subject, all Biblical prophecies are rotten, stinking lies. Every last one of them: All the time, every time, by definition and with no exceptions.

Sure, believers can produce all kinds of scriptural passages that they say predict the future. Most of these are interpretations, usually extracted via convoluted analysis, and employing lots of cherry-picking. The real problem with it all, as I explain, is that the Bible simply can’t be used this way. As it turns out, it contains at least one specific, explicit prediction of the future, which absolutely failed to come true, and is recorded in all three synoptic gospels (emphasis mine):

“Truly I say to you, there are some of those who are standing here who will not taste death until they see the Son of Man coming in His kingdom.” (Mt 16:28)

And Jesus was saying to them, “Truly I say to you, there are some of those who are standing here who will not taste death until they see the kingdom of God after it has come with power.” (Mk 9:1)

“But I say to you truthfully, there are some of those standing here who will not taste death until they see the kingdom of God.” (Lk 9:27)

Almost two millennia have passed since Jesus supposedly said that, and all those people to whom he said it have been dead almost as long; yet “the kingdom of God” has not come (“with power” or without). Jesus’ prediction literally cannot ever possibly come true.

If an explicit prediction — which doesn’t require any analysis or interpretation — has failed so obviously, then how can the rest of the Bible be viewed as a credible source of “prophecy”?It just doesn’t work. Period. End of discussion.

Note: This the first of two posts about this “prophecy.” The crank who cooked it up is still desperately trying to sell his book before it’s proven false by his “prophecy’s” impending failure. So if you want more laughs, read on!

Photo credit: Doug’s Darkworld.

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Comments Comments Off on No, the World Won’t End on September 23, 2017

James Dobson, founder and ruler of Focus On The Family, and the current reigning prince of the Religious Right™ in the US, complained about presumed Democratic nominee Barack Obama and his knowledge of the Bible. In the process, however, he reveals his own ignorance of the Bible rather than Obama’s:

As Barack Obama broadens his outreach to evangelical voters, one of the movement’s biggest names, James Dobson, accuses the likely Democratic presidential nominee of distorting the Bible and pushing a “fruitcake interpretation” of the Constitution. …

“Even if we did have only Christians in our midst, if we expelled every non-Christian from the United States of America, whose Christianity would we teach in the schools?” Obama said. “Would we go with James Dobson’s or Al Sharpton’s?” referring to the civil rights leader.

Dobson took aim at examples Obama cited in asking which Biblical passages should guide public policy — chapters like Leviticus, which Obama said suggests slavery is OK and eating shellfish is an abomination, or Jesus’ Sermon on the Mount, “a passage that is so radical that it’s doubtful that our own Defense Department would survive its application.”

“Folks haven’t been reading their Bibles,” Obama said [according to Dobson].

Dobson and Minnery accused Obama of wrongly equating Old Testament texts and dietary codes that no longer apply to Jesus’ teachings in the New Testament.

Gee, that’s funny. If Old Testament rules no longer apply to Christians, why then does Dobson base his hatred of homosexuals on Leviticus 18:22 and 20:13? Dobson is being disingenuous, then, and obviously so. Furthermore, Dobson’s whine comes nowhere near addressing Obama’s comments about the Sermon on the Mount — which is, in fact — and was even in Jesus’ time — fairly “radical.” (Seriously … “turn the other cheek”? Who really does that? No one I know of. So yes, on its face it is and was a radical instruction! Dobson thus denies the obvious.)

In this and many other ways, Dobson and his crew reveal their own ignorance of the Bible, their dishonesty, and their unwillingness actually to follow Christ’s own teachings as Jesus delivered them. Dobson is at war with homosexuals, but Jesus’ injunction against fighting back means he should not be; he is required instead always to “turn the other cheek.” This means he must go so far as to allow himself to be destroyed by the homosexual agenda (which does not actually exist except in the delusional fantasies of evangelical Christians) if needed.

As for Obama’s “fruitcake interpretation of the Constitution,” Dobson again — like many in the Religious Right — forgets a few things. First, the Founding Fathers who wrote the Constitution were not fundamentalist Christians like themselves. Far from it. Second, the Constitution as it was originally written permitted slavery, and under it only white landowning males could vote. We literally cannot now go back to the time when the Constitution was penned. Trying to do so is a fool’s errand; basing one’s views of how the US ought to be on one’s (erroneous) assumptions about its authors — and based on the Constitution’s original, un-amended contents — is the real “fruitcake interpretation” here. Third, and most obviously, Christianity as Jesus taught it is overtly and specifically apolitical. He spoke to his followers of “the kingdom of heaven” or “the kingdom of God,” not about any earthly kingdoms. In fact, he very clearly said, “Render to Caesar the things that are Caesar’s, and to God the things that are God’s” (Mt 22:21, Mk 12:17, & Lk 20:25). This means that creating or remaking a government in the name of Christ, amounts to blasphemy of the highest order.

If Dobson is truly the reverent Christian he claims to be, he ought to know that … and stop trying to rule the US as its theocrat-in-chief.

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